huh..

I left some people behind. Do I miss them? Yes I do. Is it difficult to not remember them? Yes it is. And do I repent what I have done? Not at least yet. But somewhere inside I tend to think I have picked up some sort of an attitude, gown another layer to conceal the real me, I once used to be. Is that all necessary? A part of me answers affirmative. But another part is yelling for an attention to mourn the death of a genuine boy. Is this growth inevitable? I cannot comprehend that. But looking at other more successful people, I see that they did grow past some people. Rather they had to. Right now, I just feel like being in a vacuum where I am alone. I am not yet bringing any new people in to take place in my thoughts. Not that I am enjoying this phase. But I think it’s better to be alone and introspect than to share the void with the unsuitable, in any role.
This piece is directed at some people, singular or plural. However if you happen to read this, be sure its not you. Because I am sure one of those people this could have been directed towards, takes no joy in reading blogs, let alone for knowledge.

And thats another end to something..

I will submit my last due assignment tomorrow for the last course in this whole masters thing I took over. I didn’t feel a thing until now, but when I open the pages of my journals, I see how many people struggled to let me see a day like tomorrow and from how long.
I haven’t been a perfect student. Always hovered between average grades and never did cringe against. I think I never tried too hard for a better grade. Always lacked that passion within, a thirst to be competitive and zest to win some kind of a race. Not that I am trying to repent, however in a positive way, I think I became that student who remembers his past and vows never to repeat same mistakes again. Tests and assignments are meant to evaluate what a student knows and not what he doesn’t. I am trying to advocate my fallacies or in-capabilities lined with laziness over a period of time.
I honor all those friends and foes, teachers and passerby’s who inspired and helped me see this day. And above all that father who trusted his non performing son to invest his time, money and heart in.
To call it an End would not be very appropriate, as it has already begun to rain new challenges and devour new dreams and achievements. Just pray that I shan’t fall short of any of those.

End of my Happy-Day Meter

I have decided that I shall no more update my Happy Day Meter. I will cease its update on December 31, 08. I am still working on what will I have instead. Still unclear though. The Happy Day Meter has been going on since last four years. I found out that the yearly averages hovered between 6.52 to 6.94. The reason why I am finishing with it is not because I am bored with it. But because I have started to doubt its accuracy. It makes no sense to say that I was unhappy when it showed a 6.52 score and I was extra happy when it was 6.94.
The important things were:
My happiness was always between 6 and 7. (Which is normal for a normal Human being of course!)
I could easily spot my High and very low days easily with occasional 9 and 10s and Zeros of course!
It did show that after a high there is a series of lows which I started calling as psychological disappointment or whatever!
It still makes no sense to generalize the unseen element of life.
I will post my last year’s sheet on in here after 31st!

The November Forth

I think I have grown up a lot, not saying that with any pride. Just wondering if that evolved or the child died. When I used to see people leaving, I would feel like leaving with them. There was an urge to move around and not be settled at any place. Today I realize that those who are on an unplanned move are still a child I once used to be. But then there are catalysts which influence such a movement, and I still don’t have an idea how will I behave if any one of those catalysts come in contact with me. I am just taking time to learn to prioritize and keep my ambitiousness alive for the moment. And yeah, there is a lesson learnt on making my own blend of strength and tolerance, and attitude and arrogance. Speaking of arrogance, I think it is essential as well, and I am as of now at least too bad at it. I just tend to keep it quiet and pretend to be a little unfriendly to conceal something else, that something else could be another incapability. But I realize that I would not find a solution in excelling the art of concealing, however, if I master the art of appropriate expression, things might change, a little more in my favor.
Nevertheless, the struggle goes on. And this is not a complaint.

The November First

Here it goes... I m through with stories. Not that I don’t intend to write them anymore, but what is a blog all about? I prefer not to call it a story writing canvas. I don’t not intend to not write a story in future here (Quote me for a sentence formation of that sort!), however, this is my call to keep my blog alive with an effort that I am sort of not too bad at.
I saw one of the wettest days yesterday. And it’s meant to be a desert! The rumbling would not stop the whole day and it did interfere with my effort to fall asleep. At one stage it went so wild that I was confused if I was experiencing an earthquake or just (a little too loud) thunder! The vibrations got so loud that I woke up probably through my third attempt of some shut eye yelling "Mumma!"
Well I made Rice after a very long time later because that helps me with sleep. But it gave me too much energy and a little guilt, so I packed my newly bought extravagant thirty dollar water bottle and went for a jog in the rain and it felt good. Back at home or still a vibrating hut, I cleaned my red soiled shoes and took a shower and had my deserved proteins and an unexplainable chocolate bar.
I think I tried to put some Friends on, but the hot water shower put me to sleep and the alarm went off just in time to call it an end. Another night began and I came for work. I tried the geeky look tonight but I think I need to see a dentist. I am not too happy about the yellowing.
And it goes on, and I will make sure it does.