There is no single way I could stop you…
The blow of the wind was a little slow,
I felt a little low and then there was a glow..
I could see you.
My heart cried as it filled your sight
My only plight,
That it was not going to last after two more nights
Disgusted I took a knife
Threw an orange on his favourite kite
But he didn’t know it quite…
The time was eight…
& Flight was not going to be late
Someone was leaving,
The wait was going to be unending
I can go home to an empty room
Seeking a scent of his perfume
Still fresh in the air..
I sob once again that night
And fall asleep till tomorrow was bright...
December 7, 2010
November 30, 2010
November 30, 2010
Hello,
I am guessing I have been successful so far in settling down in the new 'city'. There is so much to know about this place and there are so many people around (compared to what I used to have)... And I tried to make new connections too, but it seemed a little too fast. I realised I was still using my past location's parameters to acquaint with new people, and that appeared to be a dangerous plan.
I am enjoying this new freedom, keeping in mind what my actual plan needs to be. It gets saddening sometimes when I don't see a few things turn the way I want them to, weather for example! But I guess i should not let that affect me. I am here as a step progressive than what I was before and my unceasing attempt will be to be on the same track.
Amalgamation though on keeping some older painful contacts alive or let them go disappear with time... I guess I will need to spend some time on that. I wish to confront a separation though, and wish to intend it too.
Apart from that great apartment, messy housemate, but there are worse so no complains, job i do is good, people around are few and I wish that i can prove to be important and do a good job in the end and 'they' can be a little thankful.
Other than that life goes on... Akki's style is changed completely. its a planner now and I am no more documenting any personal histories
A
I am guessing I have been successful so far in settling down in the new 'city'. There is so much to know about this place and there are so many people around (compared to what I used to have)... And I tried to make new connections too, but it seemed a little too fast. I realised I was still using my past location's parameters to acquaint with new people, and that appeared to be a dangerous plan.
I am enjoying this new freedom, keeping in mind what my actual plan needs to be. It gets saddening sometimes when I don't see a few things turn the way I want them to, weather for example! But I guess i should not let that affect me. I am here as a step progressive than what I was before and my unceasing attempt will be to be on the same track.
Amalgamation though on keeping some older painful contacts alive or let them go disappear with time... I guess I will need to spend some time on that. I wish to confront a separation though, and wish to intend it too.
Apart from that great apartment, messy housemate, but there are worse so no complains, job i do is good, people around are few and I wish that i can prove to be important and do a good job in the end and 'they' can be a little thankful.
Other than that life goes on... Akki's style is changed completely. its a planner now and I am no more documenting any personal histories
A
November 4, 2010
November 4 2010
Hello again,
I am assuming I wont get a peaceful moment like this for some more time and when I will get it things would have changed so much that I would not get the reality i feel to put in words ever again. Nevertheless, Lets put this reality I feel in words for now.
I have left my job, left a house I called home and amongst my own scattered luggage I sit in a friends house drinking my personal favourite summer drink when summer is not even here.
I saw a UFO today flying in the sky, it didn't disappear it didn't land it did nothing, it just kept flying. All the while it was in the sky I kept wishing something, unsure if any of that will ever become true!
I did realise one more thing today that I was still an invisible personality for people i worked for, my contribution was not even substantial that I could even enjoy a decent farewell. I am not complaining, but I felt may be I did not touch these lives to such extent that I could deserve that. Not that I expect something in an obvious way but this wish was like for a dead man who dies and he would expect a few eyes to well up even if he hated tears for ever in while he was still alive.
My contribution was always my priority and I am thankful for every opportunity that I dealt with as a responsible one. I will see them once again tomorrow once again I shall see if i at least deserve a smile.
I am saddened by a separation with recently acquainted friends: Cintia and Prateek and my first tear was dropped when I saw them off on a bus taking them to airport to meet a flight to Sydney. Cintia made me a farewell card that I haven't even seen yet because it hurts realising the separation lined with so much affection.
Plus there is another separation that is going to be ironic. Because the bond that was made was on the same day I had put my papers down at work, yes approximately two weeks ago from today. Whats meant to be will BE! I cannot help it.
Again the house is clean, Aman is celebrating her 21st birthday and I will celebrate my last day at the resort.
Love, just enough for you to remember me.
Your
A
I am assuming I wont get a peaceful moment like this for some more time and when I will get it things would have changed so much that I would not get the reality i feel to put in words ever again. Nevertheless, Lets put this reality I feel in words for now.
I have left my job, left a house I called home and amongst my own scattered luggage I sit in a friends house drinking my personal favourite summer drink when summer is not even here.
I saw a UFO today flying in the sky, it didn't disappear it didn't land it did nothing, it just kept flying. All the while it was in the sky I kept wishing something, unsure if any of that will ever become true!
I did realise one more thing today that I was still an invisible personality for people i worked for, my contribution was not even substantial that I could even enjoy a decent farewell. I am not complaining, but I felt may be I did not touch these lives to such extent that I could deserve that. Not that I expect something in an obvious way but this wish was like for a dead man who dies and he would expect a few eyes to well up even if he hated tears for ever in while he was still alive.
My contribution was always my priority and I am thankful for every opportunity that I dealt with as a responsible one. I will see them once again tomorrow once again I shall see if i at least deserve a smile.
I am saddened by a separation with recently acquainted friends: Cintia and Prateek and my first tear was dropped when I saw them off on a bus taking them to airport to meet a flight to Sydney. Cintia made me a farewell card that I haven't even seen yet because it hurts realising the separation lined with so much affection.
Plus there is another separation that is going to be ironic. Because the bond that was made was on the same day I had put my papers down at work, yes approximately two weeks ago from today. Whats meant to be will BE! I cannot help it.
Again the house is clean, Aman is celebrating her 21st birthday and I will celebrate my last day at the resort.
Love, just enough for you to remember me.
Your
A
September 27, 2010
september 27th 2010
Pooja spoke with Romila one night at an outing and found out how much she loved Romain. She found the depth to their relation and found herself contemptuous and decided to stand by Romain and Romila as together... The talk between Romila and her went on for a while and then Romila asked out of curiosity after a statement that she knew that Pooja fell in love with Romain but if there were other things involved between her and Romain. Pooja lied first, but then she said that they had kissed once...
THe talk was over, the night passed by. But Roman got back to Pooja the next day somehow and asked her why did she have to be so true why did she have to tell everything the way it was. Romain accused Pooja for a sabotage and a hurdle that the broken paths that were under repairs faced another anomaly and this time the paths may never be rebuilt. Pooja apologised and apologised to which Romain replied as this could only happen if Pooja could ever take the words back she had said to Romila, but that was impossible. Pooja begged and begged to Romain make an attempt to get back at Romila and accuse her of lying and being under influence, but it did not seem to work as yet. She asked Romain twice how he was on different paths in town when they crossed paths how he was, the answer was "OK" but she knew it was not, and there is nothing she could do...
She lives in despair now...
TBC..
THe talk was over, the night passed by. But Roman got back to Pooja the next day somehow and asked her why did she have to be so true why did she have to tell everything the way it was. Romain accused Pooja for a sabotage and a hurdle that the broken paths that were under repairs faced another anomaly and this time the paths may never be rebuilt. Pooja apologised and apologised to which Romain replied as this could only happen if Pooja could ever take the words back she had said to Romila, but that was impossible. Pooja begged and begged to Romain make an attempt to get back at Romila and accuse her of lying and being under influence, but it did not seem to work as yet. She asked Romain twice how he was on different paths in town when they crossed paths how he was, the answer was "OK" but she knew it was not, and there is nothing she could do...
She lives in despair now...
TBC..
September 4, 2010
September 4th 2010
There was Romain. Romain moved out of Romila's house. Because he decided to separate. Romila was heart broke. She was elder than him. She thought, she was wiser than him. But Romain had seen it lesser than her. He decided he deserved more freedom than Romila could ever offer. He moved houses...
One day Pooja found out that Romain was separated and with her natural instinct and an urge to bridge a built gap she decided to befriend Romain on a personal level. Romain found a great friend in Pooja. Pooja would do anything for Romain. Lately her happiness and sadness was all about Romain. She realised that her friendship with Romain was not just friendship anymore. She decided one day to express that.
That day she was tired and little under influence. She told Romain that she intended not to come in between Romila and him but her feelings were on the grow and not under her control and she should be away from Romain.
Romain and Pooja did not talk for about a week. Smiled once or twice when Pooja accidentally ran past Romain at a supermarket trying to buy some south asian food... They exchanged smiling faces and enquired how they were.
Pooja one day decided to go back to Romain smelling nice with another smiling Friendly face and found Romila sitting with Romain sitting together in what appeared to be a talk where you sort things out in Romain's new house.
Pooja still exchanged a smile, said Bye and then then walked out putting her ipod in her ear to blaring music... the smile lasted a little longer to see Romain happier, getting back to his older not so lost commitment and she drank her happiness and it tasted salty first, but the after taste was fizzy, sweet in parts and bitter in the end... when she walked back home 3 hours later she realized she was a little tipsy too.. she wished that Romain finds his happiness until eternity.
TBC..
X
One day Pooja found out that Romain was separated and with her natural instinct and an urge to bridge a built gap she decided to befriend Romain on a personal level. Romain found a great friend in Pooja. Pooja would do anything for Romain. Lately her happiness and sadness was all about Romain. She realised that her friendship with Romain was not just friendship anymore. She decided one day to express that.
That day she was tired and little under influence. She told Romain that she intended not to come in between Romila and him but her feelings were on the grow and not under her control and she should be away from Romain.
Romain and Pooja did not talk for about a week. Smiled once or twice when Pooja accidentally ran past Romain at a supermarket trying to buy some south asian food... They exchanged smiling faces and enquired how they were.
Pooja one day decided to go back to Romain smelling nice with another smiling Friendly face and found Romila sitting with Romain sitting together in what appeared to be a talk where you sort things out in Romain's new house.
Pooja still exchanged a smile, said Bye and then then walked out putting her ipod in her ear to blaring music... the smile lasted a little longer to see Romain happier, getting back to his older not so lost commitment and she drank her happiness and it tasted salty first, but the after taste was fizzy, sweet in parts and bitter in the end... when she walked back home 3 hours later she realized she was a little tipsy too.. she wished that Romain finds his happiness until eternity.
TBC..
X
August 20, 2010
Aug 20, 2010
Hello,
I spoke with a friend about another friend and it felt good. I think I am not that bad person but I think I need attention and I love to pay attention too. I wished I could write more.... Someone said I am very creative but I feel a destruction with every breath I take. I love bollywood and everything about it. I think there could be a movie made based on me as a character played by a famous actor at the time when it will be made and and it will be crossover cinema that would hit the world on same day and make distributors rich and movie goers feel value for money and they will wait for my biography to be published and DVD edition to hit the nearest stores... it could be the bestseller after Vampire books ...
ha ha ha I live in my own little world don't I?
A
I spoke with a friend about another friend and it felt good. I think I am not that bad person but I think I need attention and I love to pay attention too. I wished I could write more.... Someone said I am very creative but I feel a destruction with every breath I take. I love bollywood and everything about it. I think there could be a movie made based on me as a character played by a famous actor at the time when it will be made and and it will be crossover cinema that would hit the world on same day and make distributors rich and movie goers feel value for money and they will wait for my biography to be published and DVD edition to hit the nearest stores... it could be the bestseller after Vampire books ...
ha ha ha I live in my own little world don't I?
A
August 14, 2010
Heather...
Heather celebrated her 94th birthday last week. This morning when she woke up she felt very weak and a cramp in her stomach pained so much she felt she should call her sister Hilda and let her know. Hilda showed up at her home and took her to a hospital and the doctors found out a cancer in her liver. It was incurable.
Heather looked at the Doctor when he said that she didn't have enough time left. She immediately turned her eyes to Hilda and requested her to plan a holiday for her... To take her to Ayers Rock where she wanted to visit since she was a child just 17 years old.
Hilda did some planning and took Heather on a Central Australian Tour.
Heather, Hilda and Hilda's husband spent 2 days at Ayers Rock. During their stay at a resort they did a tour and met with this very lively adorable full of life tour guide named Romain. Romain learnt about Heather's condition and felt something while they were on a tour with him. Romain always carried a camera with him. He sought this as an opportunity and took a picture of Heather, Hilda and himself and the rock behind them. All of them smiling. He was smiling because he showed someone something they had waited for all their lives to see, Hilda had a smile because she had been a good sister and Heather had a shine of accomplishment in her eyes. They shared their addresses and decided to trade these pictures.
Romain sent a copy out a week later back to Hilda. A few weeks later Hilda wrote him back that Heather was no more and she passed away while asleep a few nights ago and her death was painless...
Heather looked at the Doctor when he said that she didn't have enough time left. She immediately turned her eyes to Hilda and requested her to plan a holiday for her... To take her to Ayers Rock where she wanted to visit since she was a child just 17 years old.
Hilda did some planning and took Heather on a Central Australian Tour.
Heather, Hilda and Hilda's husband spent 2 days at Ayers Rock. During their stay at a resort they did a tour and met with this very lively adorable full of life tour guide named Romain. Romain learnt about Heather's condition and felt something while they were on a tour with him. Romain always carried a camera with him. He sought this as an opportunity and took a picture of Heather, Hilda and himself and the rock behind them. All of them smiling. He was smiling because he showed someone something they had waited for all their lives to see, Hilda had a smile because she had been a good sister and Heather had a shine of accomplishment in her eyes. They shared their addresses and decided to trade these pictures.
Romain sent a copy out a week later back to Hilda. A few weeks later Hilda wrote him back that Heather was no more and she passed away while asleep a few nights ago and her death was painless...
July 29, 2010
July29 10
Hello!
I love monsoons... It rains.. It stays overcast... makes you think what time of the day it is... Love it.... Before you would know the day is over... and then just from nowhere the clouds open up and give you a glance at a fully shining moon and a star trapped in a bracket of a few clouds..
People praised me and I loved their company... listened to Tera Hone Laga hun and danced alone under moonlight and found myself stupid and happy...
Another Wednesday night is over... I dont have any number on my phone I can ring at this time to find a company to talk with or comfort myself in this loneliness.. Love this abyss... I am all alone ... A woman from North Carolinas yelled at me today.... I gave her a look... she turned back... A french woman thanked me for putting her twins in a cot...
I am just being myself.. filtered...
This is Abhay.
A
I love monsoons... It rains.. It stays overcast... makes you think what time of the day it is... Love it.... Before you would know the day is over... and then just from nowhere the clouds open up and give you a glance at a fully shining moon and a star trapped in a bracket of a few clouds..
People praised me and I loved their company... listened to Tera Hone Laga hun and danced alone under moonlight and found myself stupid and happy...
Another Wednesday night is over... I dont have any number on my phone I can ring at this time to find a company to talk with or comfort myself in this loneliness.. Love this abyss... I am all alone ... A woman from North Carolinas yelled at me today.... I gave her a look... she turned back... A french woman thanked me for putting her twins in a cot...
I am just being myself.. filtered...
This is Abhay.
A
July 28, 2010
July 28, 10
Hello!
I was meant to go to bed after shower, but my phone rang and I spoke with Decendra and I kept up. A fit of cough kept me going for a while and then I lost my will to go to bed. Then I relaxed listening to Karunesh's music.
At 4 20 AM. I changed my profile picture and put a picture of me with Rajiv Changrani from April 09's times standing with me on in there! I think I am excited to have a visitor. I am just skeptical about three different things that I want to go down as nothing less than perfect: my health, yulara's weather & over exaggeration from touring and fun filled times over this weeked!
Nevertheless, this is going to be spectacular & RC will still have moments when he'll express his unhappiness possibly about my sleep, lesser ability to be organized etc.... Having said that I am really looking forward to him visiting I hope I can fix a smile on our faces and a good memory in brains.
Let me get back to Akki and end this day before tomorrow begins once again before I am even ready for it! 4:26 AM
A
I was meant to go to bed after shower, but my phone rang and I spoke with Decendra and I kept up. A fit of cough kept me going for a while and then I lost my will to go to bed. Then I relaxed listening to Karunesh's music.
At 4 20 AM. I changed my profile picture and put a picture of me with Rajiv Changrani from April 09's times standing with me on in there! I think I am excited to have a visitor. I am just skeptical about three different things that I want to go down as nothing less than perfect: my health, yulara's weather & over exaggeration from touring and fun filled times over this weeked!
Nevertheless, this is going to be spectacular & RC will still have moments when he'll express his unhappiness possibly about my sleep, lesser ability to be organized etc.... Having said that I am really looking forward to him visiting I hope I can fix a smile on our faces and a good memory in brains.
Let me get back to Akki and end this day before tomorrow begins once again before I am even ready for it! 4:26 AM
A
July 7, 2010
July 7th, 10
Hello again,
Much stabilised by now, I feel drained and casted away. Karan was farewelled. And his annoyance is being missed.
about an year ago when I first shook hands with him, a series began. Friends, and then just colleagues and then silence to a tolerable presence to be around. Four days ago, when everything that went wrong settled and it looked like you have gained another person in your life.
You see such people go away leaves you with a mixed feeling.
Its still overcast and pours water every now and then. Does nothing good to make you feel any better. Other existing people around you try to make you feel better but you just want to mourn a loss, cherish a movement and live your own life in the end.
A
Much stabilised by now, I feel drained and casted away. Karan was farewelled. And his annoyance is being missed.
about an year ago when I first shook hands with him, a series began. Friends, and then just colleagues and then silence to a tolerable presence to be around. Four days ago, when everything that went wrong settled and it looked like you have gained another person in your life.
You see such people go away leaves you with a mixed feeling.
Its still overcast and pours water every now and then. Does nothing good to make you feel any better. Other existing people around you try to make you feel better but you just want to mourn a loss, cherish a movement and live your own life in the end.
A
July 6, 2010
Jul 6th 10
34 Hours since I have been awake, more than 20 drinks that I could have had, I still have an energy and a will to write something because something is still so hollow, unpure, & un satisfied. Yet so much had been done, yet so much is not done & undone. Broken mind, and and unceasing wish to get hurt more, makes me use this pain as a drug to keep me going.
Yes, I am convinced that I am a masochist. Totally. Undoubtedly.
Go to another place because you belong some place different. But I think I have newly developed chains tying me bound to this place, this desert, where its raining incessantly since last night.
Yes, I am convinced that I am a masochist. Totally. Undoubtedly.
Go to another place because you belong some place different. But I think I have newly developed chains tying me bound to this place, this desert, where its raining incessantly since last night.
June 30, 2010
June 29 - 30, 10
Hello again,
I am very surprised today. It had been tiring day and another tiring day is about to rise in about an hour. But I feel good for some reason. It still has a sad shade to it though... Another change is due.
To be continued.
A
I am very surprised today. It had been tiring day and another tiring day is about to rise in about an hour. But I feel good for some reason. It still has a sad shade to it though... Another change is due.
To be continued.
A
June 27, 2010
June 27 10
Hello!
What is going on right now?! I sometimes feel that I might just open my eyes and think that it was just a dream and then live my life in a simpler way, just the way it was suppose to be.
I don't have any sorrows in my life. Nor my life's gone too tough on me yet. I just sometimes feel that I have had it too much at this Desert and I do need newer challenges in my life to keep it going. But that does not seem to be an option at this stage. I need to have less number of things going on at a time to make me be able to move. And there needs to be an offer! An offer that still needs to be sought. I am worried. But i tell myself that i am not. Watch online movies to keep me happy and interested. Just had about a months time when I stopped writing my Journal and stopped maintaining this Blog. Unsure if the intention was to detach or too much of an attachment that I grew bored of or I was sunk in some Spirits... (!)
Nevertheless I am back. I am back to doing what I did in the past that gave me a high without a side effect. I hope I bring back my lost zeal and heal my wounded, correction blinded mind.
However Health back home keeps deteriorating. Or people just keep getting old. I just dont want to walk there one day and meet people who aged faster than time. May they regain their health and I can be little less worried..
A
What is going on right now?! I sometimes feel that I might just open my eyes and think that it was just a dream and then live my life in a simpler way, just the way it was suppose to be.
I don't have any sorrows in my life. Nor my life's gone too tough on me yet. I just sometimes feel that I have had it too much at this Desert and I do need newer challenges in my life to keep it going. But that does not seem to be an option at this stage. I need to have less number of things going on at a time to make me be able to move. And there needs to be an offer! An offer that still needs to be sought. I am worried. But i tell myself that i am not. Watch online movies to keep me happy and interested. Just had about a months time when I stopped writing my Journal and stopped maintaining this Blog. Unsure if the intention was to detach or too much of an attachment that I grew bored of or I was sunk in some Spirits... (!)
Nevertheless I am back. I am back to doing what I did in the past that gave me a high without a side effect. I hope I bring back my lost zeal and heal my wounded, correction blinded mind.
However Health back home keeps deteriorating. Or people just keep getting old. I just dont want to walk there one day and meet people who aged faster than time. May they regain their health and I can be little less worried..
A
March 2, 2010
April 2, 10
A lot has been done, A lot is still left to be done, Its 12o'clock in this region, they say that the day is shorter by a micro mini second already, but i don't see the change.
I write this entry because I want to celebrate a birth of a person who gave me a birth. Spontaneous as a person I am thankful that she is a woman. Because the strength, charisma and perseverance she has is boosted by her gender. I am a third child that she bore after two daughters. Her daughters have been successful in their own ways however her affection with me is beyond my understanding. and sometimes i feel victimised as I do not expect such an attention. Correction I feel I do not deserve it.
However this lady cannot be wrong, and I try and attend to it as much as I can.
I cannot understand why do I feel scared to confront her and them (collectively) sometimes. So much has changed so far and so much is on the verge of another change that I don't know if I possess the strength to see it take another shape and vision in front of me. Unsure if I am expected to be amused in a surprise or grow another depth in the wrinkle thats ageing already.
I listen to Tiesto right now, decide to Call her back tomorrow and speak a few wishful lines to make her feel its still her day. I know she would miss a day that passed 366 days ago when I was present just a foot away from her. But its not same this year.
We both live in this ever changing world pretending to be happy successful people responsible for other people who don't even care about our existence as humans.
Happy Birthday Mum.
I write this entry because I want to celebrate a birth of a person who gave me a birth. Spontaneous as a person I am thankful that she is a woman. Because the strength, charisma and perseverance she has is boosted by her gender. I am a third child that she bore after two daughters. Her daughters have been successful in their own ways however her affection with me is beyond my understanding. and sometimes i feel victimised as I do not expect such an attention. Correction I feel I do not deserve it.
However this lady cannot be wrong, and I try and attend to it as much as I can.
I cannot understand why do I feel scared to confront her and them (collectively) sometimes. So much has changed so far and so much is on the verge of another change that I don't know if I possess the strength to see it take another shape and vision in front of me. Unsure if I am expected to be amused in a surprise or grow another depth in the wrinkle thats ageing already.
I listen to Tiesto right now, decide to Call her back tomorrow and speak a few wishful lines to make her feel its still her day. I know she would miss a day that passed 366 days ago when I was present just a foot away from her. But its not same this year.
We both live in this ever changing world pretending to be happy successful people responsible for other people who don't even care about our existence as humans.
Happy Birthday Mum.
February 10, 2010
February 10th
Happier people make others happy and spread the happiness around. That’s why I try to be happy as well. But then there are norms and rules. We have to abide by them to be able to prove more responsible citizen, correction ambassadors! I do enjoy that struggle…
However lately I discovered that I do have an issue with my sleeping pattern once again. May be because I am going through a change or the level of stress I handle. When I sleep I sleep continuously for about twelve hours and then remain fresh for next forty-eight hours till I can feel sleepy once again. I have resort to a lot of junk food as well. And the struggle to remain healthy has suffered because of that. A lot of junk food end with stimulant coffees and teas that has an impact on my sleeping once again and then I struggle to keep my struggle to abide the norms to be a routine abiding citizen goes through a pain.
There is no reason why I should be unhappy. And I definitely do not want to spread that unhappiness. I suspect a break will bring about a positive change. And as I mentioned in my previous blog entry I am going away for a short duration, which I hope will be a good memory not just for me.
I decide to part with stimuli for as long as I can, no matter that could be considered to be social in some circles. I hope I can keep that promise with myself. However as I write that I do have a cup of tea on my left hand side on the same desk.
I want to learn. Learn to be respectable, in the circles I live and be prosperous enough that I can give those lines on the faces get some rest while they point an angle at me.
May I succeed.
However lately I discovered that I do have an issue with my sleeping pattern once again. May be because I am going through a change or the level of stress I handle. When I sleep I sleep continuously for about twelve hours and then remain fresh for next forty-eight hours till I can feel sleepy once again. I have resort to a lot of junk food as well. And the struggle to remain healthy has suffered because of that. A lot of junk food end with stimulant coffees and teas that has an impact on my sleeping once again and then I struggle to keep my struggle to abide the norms to be a routine abiding citizen goes through a pain.
There is no reason why I should be unhappy. And I definitely do not want to spread that unhappiness. I suspect a break will bring about a positive change. And as I mentioned in my previous blog entry I am going away for a short duration, which I hope will be a good memory not just for me.
I decide to part with stimuli for as long as I can, no matter that could be considered to be social in some circles. I hope I can keep that promise with myself. However as I write that I do have a cup of tea on my left hand side on the same desk.
I want to learn. Learn to be respectable, in the circles I live and be prosperous enough that I can give those lines on the faces get some rest while they point an angle at me.
May I succeed.
February 3, 2010
February 3rd
Tickets are booked, the phone keeps ringing when people tell me that they miss the Good times, I tell them that I miss those times as well... But I don't think the intensity is equal... somewhere I realise I have become too externally rigid that nothing can penetrate to make me feel fuzzy and warm... Not that I want to feel that way.
Tickets are booked. I need another break to see an actual civilisation, Something that i am really looking forward to..
Fees powerless, or may be sometimes.. feel that the powers that I have are never adequate ... the worst thing... i make some people sad... I hate that thing about myself... but them what can I do... I am power thirsty ... and thats something I don't have enough...
I keep taking pictures.. live each day as it comes... fight against gravity at the gym and on Yulara drive where I either lift weights or jog my lungs out... and then later go to either Outback BBQ bar or Res club and sink my spirits in fluids and fumes...
Is that a right way of living life?
Alternation, Not a good idea either... makes me go depress... May be I would need another time to talk about that...
Let's see how bad does it grow on me.... either i succumb to it to collapse within or emerge as someone I had never been before.. which is a continual struggle.
Tickets are booked. I need another break to see an actual civilisation, Something that i am really looking forward to..
Fees powerless, or may be sometimes.. feel that the powers that I have are never adequate ... the worst thing... i make some people sad... I hate that thing about myself... but them what can I do... I am power thirsty ... and thats something I don't have enough...
I keep taking pictures.. live each day as it comes... fight against gravity at the gym and on Yulara drive where I either lift weights or jog my lungs out... and then later go to either Outback BBQ bar or Res club and sink my spirits in fluids and fumes...
Is that a right way of living life?
Alternation, Not a good idea either... makes me go depress... May be I would need another time to talk about that...
Let's see how bad does it grow on me.... either i succumb to it to collapse within or emerge as someone I had never been before.. which is a continual struggle.
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