Hello,
Seems like i always write here when i am in pain.
Pain and the creativity must have a relationship.
I lived a happy life for a year. Being together with Ajit with good and challenging times what what the last year has been. Ajit and I are two different people moulded in two different casts. But I happened to grow in love with him. Probably so did he.
A couple of weeks ago he came back to me saying that he wants to break this all up on different grounds. He reasoned them as we are different people, doing different things in life and the burden of other commitments he has in his life, he cannot provide enough nourishment for this prevailing relationship that was in a suffering status in May - June 2017.
I didn't except this conversation to be that of a break up but i sucked it all up to keep it all easy for my Ajit. He drove away. I realised he went back on his phone as soon as he got in the car as if he is contacting someone or I don't know if he was already so out that he just wanted to check all that he missed from the social media in those few minutes he spent with me.
I am suffering through a post traumatic stress at the moment and suffering from anxiety and panic attacks from time to time. I am drinking heavily - just to pacify. I am trying to make just for myself but i think i a failing. I have a very high instinct that my Ajit comes back to me, if not love at least asking for a break, keeping me loved
i am wrecked. I cannot think positively and i am seeking help. I am seeing a psychologist tomorrow.
I know it wont work. For now the only sight I will be satisfied with will be Ajits face and a few kind words and then the work can continue.
I love you Ajit, i really do. I do see a life for us. It may not be the beginning but its definitely not the end from my end. I loved you dearly and i know this is not the end I don't accept it. Please heal yourself. You have hurt me. But you are allowed to hurt me too. I give you the right. Coz i love you.
I am going to wait for now. for our love, its still alive. Its within me.
Come back before it dries out.
Yours only,
Abhay Ajit.
Seems like i always write here when i am in pain.
Pain and the creativity must have a relationship.
I lived a happy life for a year. Being together with Ajit with good and challenging times what what the last year has been. Ajit and I are two different people moulded in two different casts. But I happened to grow in love with him. Probably so did he.
A couple of weeks ago he came back to me saying that he wants to break this all up on different grounds. He reasoned them as we are different people, doing different things in life and the burden of other commitments he has in his life, he cannot provide enough nourishment for this prevailing relationship that was in a suffering status in May - June 2017.
I didn't except this conversation to be that of a break up but i sucked it all up to keep it all easy for my Ajit. He drove away. I realised he went back on his phone as soon as he got in the car as if he is contacting someone or I don't know if he was already so out that he just wanted to check all that he missed from the social media in those few minutes he spent with me.
I am suffering through a post traumatic stress at the moment and suffering from anxiety and panic attacks from time to time. I am drinking heavily - just to pacify. I am trying to make just for myself but i think i a failing. I have a very high instinct that my Ajit comes back to me, if not love at least asking for a break, keeping me loved
i am wrecked. I cannot think positively and i am seeking help. I am seeing a psychologist tomorrow.
I know it wont work. For now the only sight I will be satisfied with will be Ajits face and a few kind words and then the work can continue.
I love you Ajit, i really do. I do see a life for us. It may not be the beginning but its definitely not the end from my end. I loved you dearly and i know this is not the end I don't accept it. Please heal yourself. You have hurt me. But you are allowed to hurt me too. I give you the right. Coz i love you.
I am going to wait for now. for our love, its still alive. Its within me.
Come back before it dries out.
Yours only,
Abhay Ajit.
