End of Happy Day Metre...

I marked the end of Happy Day Metre on 31st Dec 08.

And as mentioned earlier, I am posting a copy of how did i do in its last year.

Akki became 6 year old this year and its good to see him grow. I got him a little smaller for its 7th version to make it be able to fit in my bag more efficiently!

December 24th

I am 24. I turned 24. I lived for 24 years. And I spent that day oversleeping. I was asked how old I was by an inquisitive passerby. I happened to answer, twenty - pause – four last Wednesday. That’s when I felt the first time that I was no more an amateur. I think the teenager mentality lasted till I was still 23. But all of a sudden when I felt like my birthday was just another day, and celebrating it would be unnecessary, felt normal and yet not quite felt the same way before.
Anyways, I still cut a muffin and blew candles out and wished on the 24th night, when the dates in the region I was, had already changed to 25th.

December 15

I think something is about to happen. I feel the negativity already. Or something has already happened just that I should still need to know about it. Usually in my recorded memory, December had been a good month. But this year it has not been like that. The only good things I saw this month so far had been because some investments I did in the past matured during this time. That does not mean anything is happening the way it should have been. The state of my mind is in jeopardy. The atmosphere around still stands neutral, not influencing anything good or bad in particular. Still I sense the negativity which homes in my mind I reckon.
I tend to contemplate that I might have started being a little extra greedy. I might have started expecting the things to happen my way in every next step that has to follow. In a way I had always been the chosen one with things falling in places, all the time. It always gave me a feeling that there is some force looking down upon me. May be it is somebody’s plan that I still have to handle my de-shuffled time and look forward to being looked upon.
This comes as the first entry as the newly graduated Master, however I still don’t feel the reason to rejoice the newly acquired achievement. Let me find the reason.
Just for the note, last week I could go to Alice Springs to spend another thousand for some essential and not very essential things. I could give a lot of things on hold a direction so that gave me a little satisfaction in the end. And then when I got back, I got two extra offs, with which I could catch up on a much needed break only to discover how easy was it to get lazy again! But then the new week began again, and I guess my next breaks shall fall in the New Year, so not many complaints against the whole laziness.

A Bad day...

Prachi wanted to take a swim in the sea when the salty waters were warm. She wanted to play with the dolphins & try Crocodile meat for dinner. She wanted to be served a Screwdriver by adorable Kevin who was 16. And watch two sunsets on February 29th, 2012 flying Concorde from Paris to New York.
All of that was possible, but still unethical, unrealistic and hard to come true.
Prachi still waited for the fast train to CST on platform number 6 and her train was more than 5 minutes too late already, she was headed for a busy day at her 7500 Rupees, no respect job.
13000 Kilometers and 5 time zones away, Karen was headed for work in her Toyota Camry, she was going to be laid off from her work today, totally unaware about the news, she still enjoyed Rihanna loud in her car, as she battled the Melbourne traffic driving past all the tolls, she would still need to pay for.
Little more away from Prachi and Karen, Afia wanted to buy water for her two children. She was too scared that like the two other children, these two would die off Cholera. She made of move out of her house first to withdraw 14 billion Zimbabwean Dollars from her bank and then to the place where clean water was on sale. By the time she reached the place, the water was sold out.
Karen, Prachi and Afia were just three of those women who had a very disappointing day yesterday.

Irony

Gabrielle used to dream every night that she would attend Academy awards and win herself a best actor in supporting role trophy. But unfortunately the work that she did, only contested her for Nobel Prize for peace. And she obviously had not done enough so far that she could even be nominated for it. Not this year at least. She was a co-founder of a school meant for orphans and refugee children in one of the non existent places on any political maps of the world. She apparently died in a riot that erupted in the camp when Christmas presents were getting distributed that year. A few years later, a film apparently was made to pay homage to her and show the world how insane the life in that part of world she lived in was. Ironically the actress who played her part in the film gained acclaim from a lot of critics and people of her fraternity. The actress gained renewal to her demising career and won a best actress award trophy. Not an Academy but a Golden Globe.

December 1st

I am scared, scared of the known and the unknown.
I don’t know what’s in hold
I used to be excited about the unseen day.
But I fear if I may have the might to hold it unfold in an unpleasant way...

huh..

I left some people behind. Do I miss them? Yes I do. Is it difficult to not remember them? Yes it is. And do I repent what I have done? Not at least yet. But somewhere inside I tend to think I have picked up some sort of an attitude, gown another layer to conceal the real me, I once used to be. Is that all necessary? A part of me answers affirmative. But another part is yelling for an attention to mourn the death of a genuine boy. Is this growth inevitable? I cannot comprehend that. But looking at other more successful people, I see that they did grow past some people. Rather they had to. Right now, I just feel like being in a vacuum where I am alone. I am not yet bringing any new people in to take place in my thoughts. Not that I am enjoying this phase. But I think it’s better to be alone and introspect than to share the void with the unsuitable, in any role.
This piece is directed at some people, singular or plural. However if you happen to read this, be sure its not you. Because I am sure one of those people this could have been directed towards, takes no joy in reading blogs, let alone for knowledge.

And thats another end to something..

I will submit my last due assignment tomorrow for the last course in this whole masters thing I took over. I didn’t feel a thing until now, but when I open the pages of my journals, I see how many people struggled to let me see a day like tomorrow and from how long.
I haven’t been a perfect student. Always hovered between average grades and never did cringe against. I think I never tried too hard for a better grade. Always lacked that passion within, a thirst to be competitive and zest to win some kind of a race. Not that I am trying to repent, however in a positive way, I think I became that student who remembers his past and vows never to repeat same mistakes again. Tests and assignments are meant to evaluate what a student knows and not what he doesn’t. I am trying to advocate my fallacies or in-capabilities lined with laziness over a period of time.
I honor all those friends and foes, teachers and passerby’s who inspired and helped me see this day. And above all that father who trusted his non performing son to invest his time, money and heart in.
To call it an End would not be very appropriate, as it has already begun to rain new challenges and devour new dreams and achievements. Just pray that I shan’t fall short of any of those.

End of my Happy-Day Meter

I have decided that I shall no more update my Happy Day Meter. I will cease its update on December 31, 08. I am still working on what will I have instead. Still unclear though. The Happy Day Meter has been going on since last four years. I found out that the yearly averages hovered between 6.52 to 6.94. The reason why I am finishing with it is not because I am bored with it. But because I have started to doubt its accuracy. It makes no sense to say that I was unhappy when it showed a 6.52 score and I was extra happy when it was 6.94.
The important things were:
My happiness was always between 6 and 7. (Which is normal for a normal Human being of course!)
I could easily spot my High and very low days easily with occasional 9 and 10s and Zeros of course!
It did show that after a high there is a series of lows which I started calling as psychological disappointment or whatever!
It still makes no sense to generalize the unseen element of life.
I will post my last year’s sheet on in here after 31st!

The November Forth

I think I have grown up a lot, not saying that with any pride. Just wondering if that evolved or the child died. When I used to see people leaving, I would feel like leaving with them. There was an urge to move around and not be settled at any place. Today I realize that those who are on an unplanned move are still a child I once used to be. But then there are catalysts which influence such a movement, and I still don’t have an idea how will I behave if any one of those catalysts come in contact with me. I am just taking time to learn to prioritize and keep my ambitiousness alive for the moment. And yeah, there is a lesson learnt on making my own blend of strength and tolerance, and attitude and arrogance. Speaking of arrogance, I think it is essential as well, and I am as of now at least too bad at it. I just tend to keep it quiet and pretend to be a little unfriendly to conceal something else, that something else could be another incapability. But I realize that I would not find a solution in excelling the art of concealing, however, if I master the art of appropriate expression, things might change, a little more in my favor.
Nevertheless, the struggle goes on. And this is not a complaint.

The November First

Here it goes... I m through with stories. Not that I don’t intend to write them anymore, but what is a blog all about? I prefer not to call it a story writing canvas. I don’t not intend to not write a story in future here (Quote me for a sentence formation of that sort!), however, this is my call to keep my blog alive with an effort that I am sort of not too bad at.
I saw one of the wettest days yesterday. And it’s meant to be a desert! The rumbling would not stop the whole day and it did interfere with my effort to fall asleep. At one stage it went so wild that I was confused if I was experiencing an earthquake or just (a little too loud) thunder! The vibrations got so loud that I woke up probably through my third attempt of some shut eye yelling "Mumma!"
Well I made Rice after a very long time later because that helps me with sleep. But it gave me too much energy and a little guilt, so I packed my newly bought extravagant thirty dollar water bottle and went for a jog in the rain and it felt good. Back at home or still a vibrating hut, I cleaned my red soiled shoes and took a shower and had my deserved proteins and an unexplainable chocolate bar.
I think I tried to put some Friends on, but the hot water shower put me to sleep and the alarm went off just in time to call it an end. Another night began and I came for work. I tried the geeky look tonight but I think I need to see a dentist. I am not too happy about the yellowing.
And it goes on, and I will make sure it does.