Aug 11, 2011

Today I realised the cutest baby that was crying in the cutest possible way.. and then her father who was a little grumpy and deprived of sleep getting out of his bed to console her and look after her needs to look at her. I felt my presence there was unneeded but I couldn't get out of the scene as it was scenic to see that father, my friend to do such a thing for his baby : "the fruit of his loins" in such a tender way.
I think this is the luckiest baby that i see in front of my eyes growing up to be a beautiful girl everyday i see her growing...

July 30, 2011

I went for a jog two days ago and ran past a mother and her five year old daughter. As soon as I approached them I overheard the mother asking her daughter to be sorry for something she had said or done or they were going nowhere. The mother appeared to be very angry and would not realise that a stranger is going jog them past however the daughter sees me and then looks back at her mother to make her aware of that for a fraction of a moment. The mother seems to have missed that. The girl now giggles a bit to lighten the tension may be to pass a message to her mother, that this was nothing too serious and is meant to be a joke as now she is embarrassed to be scolded at in public by her mother.
I just realised that moment that the mother was probably trying to teach her daughter to be polite and behave in a certain way but she forgot to realise that her five year old daughter just learnt to be embarrassed in public without having to teach that lesson in her life exclusively.

July 23, 2011

There are reasons to be happy, and there are reasons to be not. I like to choose to be happy but I find that as a constant struggle that recently found to be enjoyable. I am afraid though, I don't want to loose interest in this activity...
The other time I woke up in the middle of the night as I had a thought that I can only explain as I hit an abyss: point of no return and blankness when I was regaining alertness while i was still asleep... I wasn't afraid of the end, but I couldn't find a valid explanation to justify life as a struggle that's meant to repeat itself over and over...
That's when I opened my eyes and found myself scared and I looked around in darkness and felt the wall next to my bed to see it was actual, I wanted to feel that this world was not just a creation of my mind and it was actual and the people are real too but that couldn't be explained then. I turned to my laptop and checked emails to get my mind off those thoughts and I felt better...

April 26 2011

i have a coffee mug next to a glass full of a JD and coke
and this light blinding me though an edge of a curtain i call as a blind...

i thought i cast my spell through my imagination on this world that this scene was still mine

but i look more into it and i find a janitor cleaning my back yard that i don't even know existed till tonight..
i should still live live behind this blind in a caccoon that i thought that was mine
but little do i know that it might cease to, as the creators have gone wild....

it makes no sense coz i am probably still living on a point and i cant produce a sentence tht i can call that can be dealt as fine,
and I am sorry to that mother that gave me a birth who thought i was the son who can bring the clearer light to her shrine
and i am hopeless that i still exist that I stil exist to bring a hopeless humor and terar to an eye...
a hopeless humor and tear to an eye..

March 16, 2011

Hello,

I have changed the place I live in during last week. This place feels much more comfortable and has a home like appeal with people I call as Friends as subtenants. I hope this goodness continues. Having said that I feel I am getting a little poorer with extensive expenditure on alcohol and on being lost that needs a recovery.

I hope I will get things working well in times to come and be more human than I can imagine.

A

January 23 2011

Hello,

Happy New Year... Somehow I never got into writing once again it was lost to numerous stimulating liquids that were consumed in exchange of knee breaking monetary values. But I still kept my commitments on the contracted papers true and showed up everywhere on time where I was suppose to show. I feel tired and useless as I am losing energy and losing monitory values faster do not help. Plus today when I got back home and saw my room in day light for longer than 20 minutes was when I realised that it requires me to clean it up too!

The struggle to gain control over your life continues.

A

Could I stop you?

There is no single way I could stop you…
The blow of the wind was a little slow,
I felt a little low and then there was a glow..
I could see you.
My heart cried as it filled your sight
My only plight,
That it was not going to last after two more nights
Disgusted I took a knife
Threw an orange on his favourite kite
But he didn’t know it quite…

The time was eight…
& Flight was not going to be late
Someone was leaving,
The wait was going to be unending
I can go home to an empty room
Seeking a scent of his perfume
Still fresh in the air..
I sob once again that night
And fall asleep till tomorrow was bright...

November 30, 2010

Hello,

I am guessing I have been successful so far in settling down in the new 'city'. There is so much to know about this place and there are so many people around (compared to what I used to have)... And I tried to make new connections too, but it seemed a little too fast. I realised I was still using my past location's parameters to acquaint with new people, and that appeared to be a dangerous plan.

I am enjoying this new freedom, keeping in mind what my actual plan needs to be. It gets saddening sometimes when I don't see a few things turn the way I want them to, weather for example! But I guess i should not let that affect me. I am here as a step progressive than what I was before and my unceasing attempt will be to be on the same track.

Amalgamation though on keeping some older painful contacts alive or let them go disappear with time... I guess I will need to spend some time on that. I wish to confront a separation though, and wish to intend it too.

Apart from that great apartment, messy housemate, but there are worse so no complains, job i do is good, people around are few and I wish that i can prove to be important and do a good job in the end and 'they' can be a little thankful.

Other than that life goes on... Akki's style is changed completely. its a planner now and I am no more documenting any personal histories

A

November 4 2010

Hello again,

I am assuming I wont get a peaceful moment like this for some more time and when I will get it things would have changed so much that I would not get the reality i feel to put in words ever again. Nevertheless, Lets put this reality I feel in words for now.

I have left my job, left a house I called home and amongst my own scattered luggage I sit in a friends house drinking my personal favourite summer drink when summer is not even here.

I saw a UFO today flying in the sky, it didn't disappear it didn't land it did nothing, it just kept flying. All the while it was in the sky I kept wishing something, unsure if any of that will ever become true!

I did realise one more thing today that I was still an invisible personality for people i worked for, my contribution was not even substantial that I could even enjoy a decent farewell. I am not complaining, but I felt may be I did not touch these lives to such extent that I could deserve that. Not that I expect something in an obvious way but this wish was like for a dead man who dies and he would expect a few eyes to well up even if he hated tears for ever in while he was still alive.

My contribution was always my priority and I am thankful for every opportunity that I dealt with as a responsible one. I will see them once again tomorrow once again I shall see if i at least deserve a smile.

I am saddened by a separation with recently acquainted friends: Cintia and Prateek and my first tear was dropped when I saw them off on a bus taking them to airport to meet a flight to Sydney. Cintia made me a farewell card that I haven't even seen yet because it hurts realising the separation lined with so much affection.

Plus there is another separation that is going to be ironic. Because the bond that was made was on the same day I had put my papers down at work, yes approximately two weeks ago from today. Whats meant to be will BE! I cannot help it.

Again the house is clean, Aman is celebrating her 21st birthday and I will celebrate my last day at the resort.

Love, just enough for you to remember me.
Your

A

september 27th 2010

Pooja spoke with Romila one night at an outing and found out how much she loved Romain. She found the depth to their relation and found herself contemptuous and decided to stand by Romain and Romila as together... The talk between Romila and her went on for a while and then Romila asked out of curiosity after a statement that she knew that Pooja fell in love with Romain but if there were other things involved between her and Romain. Pooja lied first, but then she said that they had kissed once...
THe talk was over, the night passed by. But Roman got back to Pooja the next day somehow and asked her why did she have to be so true why did she have to tell everything the way it was. Romain accused Pooja for a sabotage and a hurdle that the broken paths that were under repairs faced another anomaly and this time the paths may never be rebuilt. Pooja apologised and apologised to which Romain replied as this could only happen if Pooja could ever take the words back she had said to Romila, but that was impossible. Pooja begged and begged to Romain make an attempt to get back at Romila and accuse her of lying and being under influence, but it did not seem to work as yet. She asked Romain twice how he was on different paths in town when they crossed paths how he was, the answer was "OK" but she knew it was not, and there is nothing she could do...
She lives in despair now...
TBC..

September 4th 2010

There was Romain. Romain moved out of Romila's house. Because he decided to separate. Romila was heart broke. She was elder than him. She thought, she was wiser than him. But Romain had seen it lesser than her. He decided he deserved more freedom than Romila could ever offer. He moved houses...
One day Pooja found out that Romain was separated and with her natural instinct and an urge to bridge a built gap she decided to befriend Romain on a personal level. Romain found a great friend in Pooja. Pooja would do anything for Romain. Lately her happiness and sadness was all about Romain. She realised that her friendship with Romain was not just friendship anymore. She decided one day to express that.
That day she was tired and little under influence. She told Romain that she intended not to come in between Romila and him but her feelings were on the grow and not under her control and she should be away from Romain.
Romain and Pooja did not talk for about a week. Smiled once or twice when Pooja accidentally ran past Romain at a supermarket trying to buy some south asian food... They exchanged smiling faces and enquired how they were.
Pooja one day decided to go back to Romain smelling nice with another smiling Friendly face and found Romila sitting with Romain sitting together in what appeared to be a talk where you sort things out in Romain's new house.
Pooja still exchanged a smile, said Bye and then then walked out putting her ipod in her ear to blaring music... the smile lasted a little longer to see Romain happier, getting back to his older not so lost commitment and she drank her happiness and it tasted salty first, but the after taste was fizzy, sweet in parts and bitter in the end... when she walked back home 3 hours later she realized she was a little tipsy too.. she wished that Romain finds his happiness until eternity.
TBC..
X