October 7, 2011

Hello,
Another long gap with this post. However the important thing is, expressing this thought through this post.
Just back from the gym and I feel happier as usual. The lower back hurts a little but i think its because its gathering more strength everyday. I think the alcohol consumed day before yesterday has been thrown out of my system and it feels better that I managed to get it out faster than usual.
Ok, I wanted to say that I feel i have changed a little. I have become more emotionless and I seek no company most of the times. I shall elaborate more on this in times to come. I have only come to realisation to it very lately may be after a holiday I might change a bit.
I feel i need to be more successful and I don't see a  way to get there even though I am trying hard. More efforts, and better perseverance might get me somewhere.
This is not an end, I think I have hit something or somethings hit me somewhere and its not an injury that needs to be treated, its a transformation in to something more useful more valuable. Well.. thats a hope.

Aug 11, 2011

Today I realised the cutest baby that was crying in the cutest possible way.. and then her father who was a little grumpy and deprived of sleep getting out of his bed to console her and look after her needs to look at her. I felt my presence there was unneeded but I couldn't get out of the scene as it was scenic to see that father, my friend to do such a thing for his baby : "the fruit of his loins" in such a tender way.
I think this is the luckiest baby that i see in front of my eyes growing up to be a beautiful girl everyday i see her growing...

July 30, 2011

I went for a jog two days ago and ran past a mother and her five year old daughter. As soon as I approached them I overheard the mother asking her daughter to be sorry for something she had said or done or they were going nowhere. The mother appeared to be very angry and would not realise that a stranger is going jog them past however the daughter sees me and then looks back at her mother to make her aware of that for a fraction of a moment. The mother seems to have missed that. The girl now giggles a bit to lighten the tension may be to pass a message to her mother, that this was nothing too serious and is meant to be a joke as now she is embarrassed to be scolded at in public by her mother.
I just realised that moment that the mother was probably trying to teach her daughter to be polite and behave in a certain way but she forgot to realise that her five year old daughter just learnt to be embarrassed in public without having to teach that lesson in her life exclusively.

July 23, 2011

There are reasons to be happy, and there are reasons to be not. I like to choose to be happy but I find that as a constant struggle that recently found to be enjoyable. I am afraid though, I don't want to loose interest in this activity...
The other time I woke up in the middle of the night as I had a thought that I can only explain as I hit an abyss: point of no return and blankness when I was regaining alertness while i was still asleep... I wasn't afraid of the end, but I couldn't find a valid explanation to justify life as a struggle that's meant to repeat itself over and over...
That's when I opened my eyes and found myself scared and I looked around in darkness and felt the wall next to my bed to see it was actual, I wanted to feel that this world was not just a creation of my mind and it was actual and the people are real too but that couldn't be explained then. I turned to my laptop and checked emails to get my mind off those thoughts and I felt better...

April 26 2011

i have a coffee mug next to a glass full of a JD and coke
and this light blinding me though an edge of a curtain i call as a blind...

i thought i cast my spell through my imagination on this world that this scene was still mine

but i look more into it and i find a janitor cleaning my back yard that i don't even know existed till tonight..
i should still live live behind this blind in a caccoon that i thought that was mine
but little do i know that it might cease to, as the creators have gone wild....

it makes no sense coz i am probably still living on a point and i cant produce a sentence tht i can call that can be dealt as fine,
and I am sorry to that mother that gave me a birth who thought i was the son who can bring the clearer light to her shrine
and i am hopeless that i still exist that I stil exist to bring a hopeless humor and terar to an eye...
a hopeless humor and tear to an eye..

March 16, 2011

Hello,

I have changed the place I live in during last week. This place feels much more comfortable and has a home like appeal with people I call as Friends as subtenants. I hope this goodness continues. Having said that I feel I am getting a little poorer with extensive expenditure on alcohol and on being lost that needs a recovery.

I hope I will get things working well in times to come and be more human than I can imagine.

A

January 23 2011

Hello,

Happy New Year... Somehow I never got into writing once again it was lost to numerous stimulating liquids that were consumed in exchange of knee breaking monetary values. But I still kept my commitments on the contracted papers true and showed up everywhere on time where I was suppose to show. I feel tired and useless as I am losing energy and losing monitory values faster do not help. Plus today when I got back home and saw my room in day light for longer than 20 minutes was when I realised that it requires me to clean it up too!

The struggle to gain control over your life continues.

A